For this project, I recruited the help of my roommate to record and interview me talking about my journey in athletics while navigating an anxiety disorder and eating disorder. My journey through college has been far from typical, but I am still here, graduating on time, and applying to law school as if my psych ward admission and residential eating disorder treatment never happened.
However, I don’t want that part of my story to be forgotten or hidden away. We live in a world where we see the brightest, happiest, most edited version of everyone’s lives. How are we supposed to be vulnerable and help one another when we don’t open up about trials and tribulations that we have overcome or are continuing to go through? Since starting my blog at the end of 2019, I have had so many individuals reach out to me, especially college athletes, thanking me for not keeping this story hidden.
I have always had a love for writing, but sometimes there is power and value in putting a face behind the words that are appearing on the screen. This class and project gave me that opportunity. While the short nature of this video doesn’t allow for all the depth and details, it has given me the tools to continue expressing myself visually through video.
In this video I addressed the struggles that I have faced, how I have overcome them, and how they have changed me. Is there a part of me that wishes this had never happened so I could still be actively playing softball? Absolutely. However, I would not change this journey for anything. This journey has molded me, changed me, and taught me more than anything I could ever learn in school or sports. I know what it is like to be so deep in depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder that you no longer feel that life is worth living. However, in this video, I sit here after a year of feeling that darkness, and I can say without a doubt that this is the happiest, most alive I have ever felt. So keep fighting, keep trying, and keep holding onto hope because I promise the you will find the light again.
If you are struggling with your mental health, suicidal thoughts, a mental illness, you probably feel like no one understand and this darkness will never end. But I am here to tell you that it does end, and you have the power to not only find the light but to rewrite your story. Reach out for help, open up to someone you trust, and reach out to a provider. Know that you are worth fighting for and that life is worth living.